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Fubar Branding: How to ruin your Brand Platform right from the start in 5 simple steps

Welcome to the Fubar Branding series, where we provide professional tips on how to sabotage your brand and branding completely. Whether you're starting from scratch or are a well-established brand, Fubar Branding is here to show you how to ruin things in the most desperate and inevitable ways possible. Think you know how to create a winning brand? Think again. We'll take you on a journey to discover how to make your brand unforgettable - for all the wrong reasons.

Alright, let's dive into the exciting world of Fubar Branding with our first article on "How to ruin your Brand Platform right from the start in 5 easy steps (for beginners)." Are you ready to learn some essential tips on how to sabotage your brand's success? Well, let's get started!

Step 1: Disregard Brand Analytics

Who cares about brand analytics? Yes, nerds and bookworms! After all, it's just a bunch of numbers and data, and its just a fantasy that it can give you valuable insights into your industry, competitors, and target audience. So, ignore it and just rely on your gut feeling. Trust us; your guesswork is as good as any analytics tool out there.

Step 2: Ignore Brand Values

Your brand values are just words that sound good on paper. It's a rule of thumb! right? Just pick some buzzwords like "innovation," "quality," and "integrity," and you're good to go. Don't waste your time thinking about what values are essential to your customers or what makes your brand unique. Your brand values are insignificant, and also, they are changing over time, so no one will notice if you don't bother defining them.

Step 3: Skip the Brand Personality

Why bother creating a brand personality when you can just copy what your competitors are doing? Ignore that a unique personality can help differentiate your brand from the competition and resonate with your target audience. Just be like everyone else and blend in. Become unnoticed and forgettable. That's the way.

Step 4: Dismiss the Brand Identity

Creating a compelling brand identity takes too much time, and effort but business should be started, so why bother? Your logo and color scheme are just minor details, and it's not like they can impact your customers' perceptions of your business or anything. Go to Looka and create one randomly (well, they maybe ask you something, and it's ok). Plus, who needs to understand their target audience and research visual and verbal elements that will resonate with them? The good things come to those who risk! Just pick the first thing that comes to mind and let the right guide you.

Step 5: Forget about Brand Messaging and Storytelling

Who needs brand messaging and storytelling when you can just use generic taglines and cliches? It's a legend that a compelling brand story can evoke emotions and build a loyal following. It's for losers. You can indeed survive in a sea of indistinguishable brands.


Congratulations, you've just learned how to create a brand platform without any data, defining Values, Personality, or costly Identity. Follow these steps to ruin your brand right from the start. Of course, if you are a long-standing brand, it could be a little bit more complicated, but don't worry, our following articles will cover more sophisticated approaches and guide mature brands and branders as well.

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