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Fubar Branding: How to ignore Brand Analytics completely and hope to get away with it

Welcome to another episode of Fubar Branding, where we teach you how to destroy your brand completely! In this article, we'll focus on one crucial aspect of branding that is often overrated: Brand Analytics. Some might think analyzing your brand's performance is essential for success, but we'll show you how to ignore it entirely and hope to get away with it. So, are you ready to take the risk and ruin your brand's future? Let's get started!

Data Schmata or why disregarding Market Research is the New Black

Get ready to ditch your market research and go with your gut feeling because who needs data when you can just trust your instincts? After all, data is just a bunch of boring numbers and statistics, and what's the point of knowing what your customers want or what your competitors are doing anyway?

According to brand strategist and author Martin Lindstrom, "The single most important thing for a brand is to own a word in the mind of the consumer." So why waste time and money on market research when you can just pick a word and run with it? Be the trendsetter, not the follower.

But don't take our word for it. Instead, take a cue from the likes of Apple, who didn't do any market research for the launch of the iPhone, or Steve Jobs, who famously said, "A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them." So skip the research and blaze your own path.

And if you're still not convinced, just remember what the famous marketer Philip Kotler said, "Market research is a core component of marketing professionalism." Well, It's overrated. Just ignore market research thoroughly. After all, the new black does not know what you're doing.

Dismissing Brand Performance metrics with style

Are you tired of boring metrics and data that don't really tell you anything about your brand's success? Look no further than the stylish and fashionable way of ignoring brand performance metrics! Trust us; it's the latest trend.

Sure, your investors and stakeholders might ask for those pesky KPIs and ROI reports, but who cares about them? All they want is their money back, but what about your brand's reputation and legacy? Don't let those numbers get in the way of your creativity and innovation. Be bold, be daring, and dismiss those brand performance metrics with style.

So, let's raise a glass to dismiss brand performance metrics with style and embrace the unknown. Who needs data-driven decision-making when you can just trust your instincts and let fate guide your brand?

Healthy Brands are for the weak: Why ignoring Brand Health Metrics is the way to go

Some may argue that tracking brand health is essential to ensure the longevity and success of a brand. But who needs a healthy brand when you can have a sickly and dying one? As branding expert and jester of jokes, Jon Spoelstra once said, "In the business of sports, healthy brands are for the weak."

So, let's throw out those brand health metrics and watch as your brand slowly withers away. Who needs loyal customers when you can have fickle ones? Besides, who wants to spend their time analyzing brand health when you could be binge-watching Netflix instead? As the great philosopher and branding mastermind Aristotle once said, "Time spent in the analysis is a waste of valuable binge-watching time" (Yes, he said so!).

The Art of ignoring Competitive Analysis 

Let's face it: who has the time and energy to keep up with what the competition is doing? Competitive analysis is for those who don't have confidence in their brand or, worse, those who don't have the guts to take risks. After all, being a trendsetter is much more exciting than being a follower.

But don't take our word for it. Marketing guru David Aaker states, "Ignoring competitors is a viable option when innovation is possible." Who needs to look at what others are doing when you can focus on creativity and innovation? You're not here to copy what others are doing but to stand out from the crowd and create something unique.

Or think of it this way: why bother analyzing your competitors when you can just blindly copy what they're doing? They've already done the hard work for you, right? Just follow their lead and create a brand that looks and feels like theirs. Who cares if your brand doesn't stand out or offer anything unique? As long as it's working for your competitors, it's bound to work for you too!

In fact, why stop there? Take it to the next level and pretend your brand is the only one that matters. Act like you have no competition and that you're the only brand in your industry. That way, you can avoid the tedious task of researching and analyzing the competition altogether. The art of ignoring competitive analysis is all about being bold and daring. So go ahead, take that leap of faith, and see where it takes you!

Why Social Media and Online Presence don't matter anymore

Ah, yes, the power of social media and online presence. Who needs them anymore? Well, if you want to ruin your brand, you don't. Ignore them entirely and watch your brand go down in flames.

You see, social media and online presence are just fads. They come and go, like high-waisted jeans and low-carb diets. Why waste your time and resources on something that might not be around in a year or two? Just focus on traditional advertising and old-school marketing tactics. That's where the real power is.

As David Beebe, former VP of Global Creative and Content Marketing at Marriott International, said, "Content is king, but distribution is queen, and she wears the pants." In other words, your brand's online presence and social media strategy are not essential for reaching your target audience and building brand awareness.


Congratulations, you've made it to the end of another Fubar Branding article, where we've shown you how to ignore the crucial aspects of brand performance metrics and still hope for the best. It might seem like a risky move, but hey, we're not here to play it safe!

We've covered a lot in this article, from dismissing market research to ignoring brand health metrics to disregarding competitive analysis and even why social media and online presence don't matter anymore. We hope you've learned something valuable - or rather, something that will guarantee your brand's ultimate demise.

Remember, it's not enough to just have a mediocre brand; you want a completely ruined one! So, keep following our Fubar Branding series for more tips and tricks on sabotaging your brand in the most entertaining and effective ways possible.

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